2 years ago...

...I moved to London. 

The Sickly Social

Social Media Lesson #3: The Sickly Social

Recently, I was feeling quite poorly and was home sick for nearly a week. And you're probably the first to know because I was tweeting, texting and facebook stalking all over the place. By socialising through various online channels, not only was I entertained, but I totally felt like I was in the mix!

Almost all of the week's events were documented through social media, so my presence was felt through posts, tags, comments & photos. I'm pretty sure the virtual version of me is just as effective (or evasive) as the real thing.

Interactive Distractive

Social Media Lesson #2: Interactive Distractive

Ever had a conversation that's interrupted because the other party has a wandering eye? You know what I'm talking about. You're dishing out the funny, witty and profound, but can't seem to hold interest because the person you're talking to is distracted by a younger, smarter and sexier little thing!@#!? This has always been a problem on dates, but now my friends are doing it too! Yep, I'm talking about mobile phones and the world of social media. 

Just a few weeks into my rumspringa and I've already been caught up in a social media trance! Distracted by what I was doing remotely, I quite literally forgot about reality and got burned!!! 

Adamant about exploring social media, I decided to wet the appetites of my friends with a little food porn! So I'd tweet, facebook and instragram while baking cookies. I tweeted about the ingredients while I mixed up the batter, facebooked an image of my messy kitchen drenched in flour and when the first batch of cookies was ready... I upped my game and used instagram to add impact before I tweeted and facebooked my photos! Impressed with myself as a burgeoning photographer, I got so enthralled in art directing my photos and tweeting every step of the way that I burned the second batch of cookies. My remote ruined the reality of my cookies. Damn you social media!!!

Notice the burnt row upfront

In summary, whether you're baking cookies or having a conversation, chances are that social media is posing a distraction. So make eye contact, pay attention to body language and notice all that's said without words because the cookie and convo aren't much if you don't have a mate to share it with. 

Don't Rain on my Promenade

I arrived in Portsmouth expecting a sunny seaside town with the smell of fish & chips in the air, the sounds of children clamouring for candy floss and a brigade of boats outlining the waterfront promenade in sight.

This visual was a mental mirage. With no quaint pubs or charming shops, I was left cursing the friend that suggested the 2 hours day-trip from London. Or, maybe it was the rain? 

Rain can mercilessly dampen your experience of any city. So what to do in Portsmouth when it's raining?

1. Shelter in a Ship. Currently, the Portsmouth Historic Dockyard is home to the HMS Victory. Built in 1778, I was most impressed by the close quarters in which naval officers had to eat, sleep and work (sometimes all in one room). WARNING: Mind the exceptionally low ceilings throughout the ship, particularly the tiny door frame when you first enter (trust me).

2. Marvel a Museum. There is a  plethora of museums detailing great naval events such as the Battle of Trafalger, so take a cruise through and be sure to mingle a bit... There were loads of old people who remember reading about the ships in the paper or having family members that participated in the battle.

3. Stroll the Harbour Front. When you're ready to disembark, take a stroll through Gunwharf Quays. The waterfront entertainment area is mainly comprised of a seaside promenade, outlet shops and chain restaurants. Not the most culturally enriching locale, but the shopping arena may offer some respite from the rain. Plus, you might even snag a deal :). 

4. Hold Up. Exchange your life story or greatest fear with a friend while hold up in a pub to escape the rain. I guess this could happen in any city and if it does, you'll never forget that place.

5. Rejoice the Rain. Never forget that our time in any one corner of the world is limited, so grab an umbrella, put on a hood and explore! 

Travelling in the rain has its challenges, but it doesn't have to be a total wash. As for Portsmouth... No plans to return just yet.

Lie to me

Social Media Lesson #1: You can't lie! 

Lying is a vital part of modern day communication. The most socially acceptable of which are the greeting lies - Good morning, How are you?, Great to meet you and the like. It's all bullshit, but it makes the world a more liveable place:). 

With social media tools like facebook and twitter, we're trained to update the world on our every move (seriously, didn't anyone read 1984???). So when we're cutting class or ditching plans, we're more likely to get busted! We can try not posting status updates in these moments, but documenting our lives is quickly becoming an involuntary action. And even if we're extra careful, people around us can tag photos and names so there's no escaping it. And can somebody please say geo-location tracking. 

Little lies can be time-saving and efficient ways to navigate through our already busy lives. Plus, they help soften the harsher moments in life. I mean, most people prefer hearing "Sorry, I have to help a friend move that day" over "Naw, I saw you yesterday and I can't tolerate 2 consecutive days of you". A simple time and stress reliever may soon be extinct because of social media. 

Let's just all calm down and not put so much weight on getting tagged in a photo. Go out there and give someone a hi-five! 

Not-So-Happy Feet

I'm a runner. In fact, nearly 2 months ago I ran my first marathon! 

The physical impact of running is debatable, but it's surface impact is undeniable with nipple chaffing, mid-section scrapes and foot damage among the most common. For me, my toes endure the most hardship.

I lost a toenail today. 

I'm sad to see it go, but I still plan on running tomorrow.

Acquainted with Dom

A few days ago, I planned to grab a drink and deliver a DVD to an acquaintance, but when the DVD delivery was cancelled and I got drenched in a thunderstorm, I needed to bail. 

Now behavioural etiquette standards are higher when dealing with acquaintances. They won't be as forgiving as friends and you can't disregard them like strangers. My plan? Convey the hardships of the day and mutually agree to re-schedule. 

As planned, I just wait for Dom to contact me...

TEXT
Dom: Hey, here's my new number. Grab a drink this evening?
Me: Got caught in the thunderstorm today and on my way home. Are we still meeting? 
Dom: Make sure you bring a broli for later ;). Where do you live again? 
Me: (Weird, Dom where I live) North London
Dom: Okay. I'll confirm a place shortly. 
Me: Getting on the tube, will shout from the other side!

CALL 
Me: Hey, it's Shelly.
Dom: Oh hey, how's it going?
Me:  (Dom sounds funny on the phone) I was with a friend from out of town. Blah, blah, blah...What did you get up to? 
Dom: Insert long, drawn out story about a car breaking down. 
Me:  (okay, I don't think this is Dom. How do I confirm my suspicion?) So... Ugh... Hmmm... 
Dom: What?
Me: (Reference a timely event only Dom would know) Did you hear what happened to Stef?  
Dom: Who's Stef? 
Me: ( What?!@?!) What?!@?! What do you mean "Who's Stef?"?
Dom: I don't know any Stef. 
Me: Okay, what's your surname?
Dom: (Laughing) I'm not telling you that. 
Me: Okay, so who do you think I am?
Dom: You seriously don't know who this is? 
Me: (What the fuck is happening here?) How did you get my number? 
Dom: You called me!

DISCONNECT DISCOVERED
Now I remember! This was some random I met for 2 minutes during the Olympic festivities. I was chatting with his girlfriend at the Austrian House and tried to exchange contact info with her because she was interested in "house-hopping" with us. However, her phone was dead, so she asked her boyfriend to provide his details - Dom!!! 

I immediately apologized for my absent-mindedness and volunteered some pleasantries by asking how he and his girlfriend enjoyed the rest of the Olympics. Dom responded with, "Oh, well we broke up. It wasn't really working out." After expressing my condolences, I hit end call and delete contact.

In all of this confusion, I forgot about the real Dom. He did not follow proper acquaintance etiquette!

Social Media Rumspringa

I've always looked down upon social media.
 

Preferring to classify myself as one of the "too cool for school" types, the over-exposed social media junkie never interested me much. For me, truly special moments aren't easily captured by film or feed. However, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm under-estimating social media? 

Am I acting Amish by avoiding the conveniences of modern technology? 

As it turns out, the Amish are way more progressive than me! While I choose to dismiss without trial, the Amish embrace the rumspringa. A rumspringa is a phase where young people take leave from their Amish beliefs to explore alternative lifestyles. This experimental period is meant to strengthen the beliefs of those who return to their communities, while providing an outlet for those who wish to deflect. 

It's always important to see things from the other side so I'm going on a social media rumspringa! 

Let's see what side I end up on...

And I'm back...

Whoa, this city can really drive you crazy and consume you, but I've re-emerged (mostly intact). 

Irish House London 2012

I'm finally getting into the Olympic spirit. I guess I had to because Katie Taylor was at the Irish Olympic House and I definitely didn't want to piss her off. She's a pretty tough chic :). 

I'm Into Leather

Holy shit! I rode on a motorcycle!!! Me? A biker chic? I don't do things like this! I buckle up for safety, manage my life on spreadsheets and consider research statistics for almost every move I make. So I'd normally be baffled by how much I enjoyed the experience, but this is the kind of rush a rebel like myself would crave. 

I was such a novice that every aspect of riding on a motorcycle surprised me... 
Helmet. Did you know it's suppose to fit super snug and squish your cheeks?
Jacket. The leather, padding and protective armour make it very hard to move. 
Seating. No freaking seatbelt! You're slipping, sliding and holding on for dear life!
Hang on. Hold on to the back rail with one hand and the rider with the other (both arms around the rider is romantic, but will get you killed!)
Flex. I never thought about the physical element of motorcycles. My arms, neck and back were so sore!
Corners. You have to transfer your weight and lean into corners. It starts off freaky, but quickly becomes fun!
Leather. I guess I need a pair of leather pants now...

The Queen's Diamond Jubilee - Block Party

Today marks the 60 year reign of Her Majesty, The Queen. I braved a cold and dreary day to check out the regatta, but was far more entertained by the royal revellers. Although the crowds were much thinner than expected due to the rain, you could easily find banging block parties in every neighbourhood. Swaying to the music, chatting with party-goers and having a drink at some of these block parties made me appreciate the nostalgia of such an event and in some way... Enjoy the old world idea of a monarchy.

Moral Currency

I made a post last month about a few Canadians nervously staring at a coin - none emboldened enough to assert ownership. An additional layer of depth was added to my analysis in human interaction when a co-worker shared a similar coin related story that took place in London.

While enjoying a pint on a sunny spring afternoon in Islington, Owen noticed a man attempting to pick up a pound coin. Unsuccessful (and awkwardly aware of his public demonstration of greed and self-entitlement), the man hurried along his original path. A steady stream of individuals scraped and scratched at the pavement in pursuit of pound, but all efforts were quickly exhuasted. Before long, Owen realised that his afternoon entertainment was to be attributed to super-glue and some mischievous mind.

Moments like these reveal so much. We want the money, but it's important for us to act like we don't to preserve our falsely escalated moral height. However, ones public persona can be jeopardised for a substantial amount (a pound, but not a pence). Once the pursuit of fortune is confirmed, a few high-stress steps follow.

Scope out the scene.

The coast is clear?

Swiftly scoop up the loot.

Did anyone see?

Avoid eye contact.

Move swiftly.

Be cool.

Act like it never happened.

Nobody to judge here.

Exhilerating rush ensues.

BLEEP

Generally speaking, I don't believe in censorship. However, I must admit that I've grown to adore those words used to censor dialogue on television. The creativity this process inspires is pretty impressive. These are my current favourites...

Mother hubbard/Mother tucker

Shut the front door
Forget you

Get the puck out (Canadian)

I find it pleasing to use these phrases partially because they have the propensity to further enrage, but most often they seem to lighten the mood. Regardless, they always make me keel over in laughter. HAHA.

Oh, Canada...

Today, I witnessed an achingly Canadian moment.

It's 7:18AM and I'm on the Skytrain traveling to work.

A man boards.
He pauses briefly and draws attention to a loonie lying on the floor.
The man sits down, but uncomfortably turns around to ensure the loonie he noticed earlier is still present.
After a few more awkward efforts to settle into his seat, he speaks.
He asks the man standing above the loonie if the coin belonged to him.
Unclaimed, the loonie flaunts its value through its worn exterior.

Commercial. Foot traffic floods in as this station is a major hub. 

As the early morning commuters disperse, the loonie does not reveal itself again. 

Oh, Canada. It's good to be home.

Watch Woody Woo

Earlier this month, I attended a film series called Wise Cracks at the British Film Institute (BFI).

The tribute to Woody Allen's comedic works placed some of my favourite films on the big screen. What a very special way for me to add a few more of his films to my existing roster. See my updated list below:

1. Hannah & Her Sisters

2. Annie Hall

3. Manhattan

4. Husbands & Wives

5. Sleeper

6. Vicky Christina Barcelona

7. Crimes & Misdemeanors

8. Everyone Says I Love You

9. Midnight In Paris

Woody Allen is unforgivingly honest in his portrayal of life, relationships and all their associated complications. And since the dynamics of social interaction has always interested me, I naturally found his blend of humour and phychoanalysis very entertaining. Not to mention I adore his vulnerability, neurosis and awkward confidence.

In the past, I've even declared Woody Allen as my ideal mate. Comments of this kind are usually met with laughter and considerable rowing, but to me it makes perfect sense. Intelligence, a sense of humour and purpose in life are all things that I find incredibly attractive so of course I want Woody to adopt me!

Twee x3

Coincidences always give me a burst of excitement. In a strange way, I think it validates my life by convincing me that my actions are just as the world intended and all things are falling perfectly into place. It's dumb, but I can't help it.

So whilst chatting with a friend, I was overcome with amusement when I realized that twee, a simple childhood nickname was actually incredibly expressive of my current condition. Here are the translations for the word twee... 


Dictionary Twee: affectedly or excessively dainty, delicate or cute
'80s Twee: coined by my brother, this was my childhood nickname 
British Twee: a slang term to denote chiefly British behaviors


Actually, I'm the polar opposite of twee by the dictionary definition, but accept that it well appears to be an apt descriptor on the surface. If you ask my brother, he'll claim that I earned the twee title because I was once small, annoying and constantly chirping. These days I'm quite twee in an entirely new way as I live in Britain and have eagerly adopted elements of British culture including tea, scones and football (I used to say soccer). 


How very twee of me. 

Raising the Crazy Quotient

I hit a low point last week as I began to appreciate the need for disgruntled employees to dismember their bosses. Additionally, I began to understand the many reasons for one to bear firearms in Walmart on Black Friday. The systems we operate within even rob us from our right to throw a tantrum!

As creatures of the modern world, our psychological stamina is tested on a daily basis. The average schmuck deals with injustice, incompetence and emotional injury so consistently that it often goes unoticed and the expectation is to absorb such offenses without reaction. How unatural! Of course, this excludes ruling bodies such as government, corporate, organised criminals, et al. It's like Goodfellas. You're best advised to keep our mouth shut in front of the bosses (where everyone's your boss) and provide the expected payment whether it be money or action.

The builder just foot you with an invoice that nearly doubles his quote?
Fuck you. Pay me.
Your doctor sees you at 11AM for your 9:45AM appointment?
Fuck you. Pay me.
And no new mobile phone for you, that bonus is only for new customers?
Fuck you. Pay me.

Living under such oppressive and imbalanced circumstances will inevitably foster ill will and may eventually charge individuals to rebel. Willfully or not, the resulting violence that exists within us all can brew, boil and bubble over as all erruptions do (in a natural, but most unacceptable way). So the freaks that go all Rambo in their work offices or local shopping centres suddenly don't seem too different from you or I. They simply did not absorb the bruise and battery we're all conditioned to accept everyday. We're all very close to going ballistic. It won't be all of us, but it could be any one of us.  

Last week I spent 1 hour travelling to an appointment on a train in the rain, but was refused as I was 8 minutes late. Okay, my fault. I repeated the journey the next morning, but was turned away again because it took 1.5 hours due to signal failure delays on the train. NOT MY FAULT! Over 2 hours spent, 2 days impacted, not a lick to show for it and a 3rd voyage pending? At that moment, I truly could have justified the use of firearms.


A bit of an extreme reaction?
Fuck you. You weren't there.

Thankfully, I'm not that crazy.
I'm also thankful to not be in jail:)

33